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Chickens: Are We Truly Safe?
In this, our seventh issue, Black Cow Press takes a hard look at these birds that have infiltrated our society at every level. It is now believed that poultry cells exist in almost every town and city across the country... and their numbers are growing. What motives are hidden under all the feathers? What secrets do the beady eyes conceal? As the poet William Carlos Williams revealed in a courageous warning to us all: “So much depends upon...the...chickens.”
With drug-resistant strains of salmonella breaking out in the midwest, armed gangs of roosters terrorizing the rural south with heel knives and sharpened spurs, and an alarming spike in reported cases of the nightmarish "chicken pox," two things are certain: What we don’t know will hurt us, and we may require Adjustments to our Constitution to deal with the growing threat of Terrorfowl.
Truly, Are Our Chickens Safe?
As people ask themselves what they could have done to prevent the senseless murder of prize leghorn, Liberace, poets pay tribute to the rooster loved by so many, understood by so few. See this month's black cow verse.
Safety: Are We Truly Chicken?
Can a nation cowed by dog-wagging fear make rational, responsible, democratic decisions regarding its direction and long-term best interests? Black Cow Press avoids this and other silly questions entirely and asks instead: "Have you been Modified?" See our story on GMO at Cadbury.
(Since the last issue, our former editor, and prodigious contributor, Norman Plume, accidentally set his own self on fire again. Thanks go out to everyone who pulled together for Norm and BCP #7.)
AMERICA RESPONDS:
"TASTES LIKE CHICKEN"
RESULTS OF READER'S POLL FROM ISSUE #6
In our last issue we asked readers to drop the pretense
and tell us, openly, man to man, what tastes like chicken.
"Do you think _______ tastes like chicken?"
Turkey? YES 50%* NO 48%
Snake? YES 65% NO 30%
Human? YES 40% NO 20%
Milk? YES 15% NO 80%
Armadilla? YES 33% NO 20%
*Percentages may not equal 100. Readers who answer "unsure" mess everything up. Don't be a baby. "YES" or "NO"?
Dept. of Corrections:
Errata * Regrets * Apology
In last issue's story on the appointment of the Hon. Dwayne Henderson to the Third US Circuit Court of Appeals, the quote: "Sure, I'd do that with my sister," ought to have read: "It's morally wrong of you to suggest such a thing." Sorry, Judge.
Regarding Naomi Bleys' controversial interview with singer Tom Jones, Ms. Bleys wishes to emphasize that she does not, in any way, condone ritual vampirism or the abuse of animal tranquilizers during sexual intercourse or on stage.
In last issue's cover story: Saddam: Where's He At? the former leader of Iraq, Saddam Hussein granted us an exclusive interview on the condition that we not reveal the location of his secret hiding place in the pit next to the palace at Tikrit. We feel terrible for welching on our promise. We needed that reward money real bad.
Do You Have a Problem With Satire?
*Ever find yourself reading Jonathan Swift alone or in the morning?
*Are you unconsciously lampooning those closest to you?
*Starting to doubt whether you're ever serious about anything anymore?
If you think you might have a satire problem, call our toll-free, confidential hotline:
(800) 555-1212.
Trained operators are standing by.
Know Your Limits
Satirize Responsibly
This message brought to you by your friends at black cow press and Americans For Responsible Satire.
black cow press
"a free-rangin', bimonthly publication"
January 2004
Vol. 1 * Number 7
the chicken tract
* * * *
NORMAN D. PLUME
Editor
JEBEDIAH REED
Our Man in Iowa
NAOMI BLEYS
House Sound
OBOBO
Security
Muchas Gracias to...
Raymon Photo Labs: processing
L. A. West Talent: models
© Copyright 2003-2004, Black Cow Press.
All Rights Reserved.
Black Cow Press is a bimonthly deal by Fin De Siècle Publications. This means it comes out every other month, not twice a month which some people get confused about.
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